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By:   Donna Martin

Have you ever noticed how people try to cover up things they know they shouldn’t be doing?  Maybe you have walked in on your child who has been playing with something that they know they should not be playing with, and when you walk in they quickly try to hide it from you.  Or what about your teenager who is texting something and quickly turns off the phone when you enter the room?  You may have even had the experience of walking into a room and suddenly everyone gets quiet and you feel like they were saying something that they did not want you to hear.

When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden their eyes were opened and they knew they were naked so when God came walking in the garden they hid, but doing so only exposed their sin to God.

Keeping secrets can ruin relationships.  Marriage is no place for secrets.  I’m not talking about the secret gift or dinner that you are planning as a surprise for your spouse.  These are great secrets.  The secrets that harm a relationship are the things you do that you never want your spouse to discover – the secret bank account, the new pair of shoes in the closet, the gambling debt, the secret lunch with a “friend”, the secret website you visit, the secret plans you make with your parents.

If you are trying to cover up something from your spouse or doing something behind your spouse’s back nine times out of ten you should not be doing it, even if it is something good.  For example, maybe you want to give a monthly amount to a good cause, but your budget is tight and there is no money to spare, You talk it over with your spouse, but your spouse says that even though it is a worthy cause that is something you cannot afford to do right now.  But you really are touched by the cause and you go ahead and secretly give to it each month, trying to hide it from your spouse.  What will happen when your spouse finds out?  There will probably be some sort of conflict that you will have to resolve.  But worse than that you will have weakened the trust in your relationship and trust is a very hard thing to restore.

Secrets have no place in a happy marriage.  Keeping secrets is disrespectful, hurtful, and inconsiderate.  It is putting your wants and desires above those of your spouse.  It breaks the trust you have in each other.

The Martins currently present “Happy Together” marriages seminars for churches and organizations.  To schedule a seminar call Michael at 940-735-1515. They also publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at




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