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Love is an Action Verb

By:  Donna Martin

Do you sometimes feel as if your spouse does not love you the way he or she once loved you?  This often happens in marriages.  What is the difference in a marriage where the couple grows more in love through the years and a marriage where love diminishes?  The answer may be that one or both spouses have become “lazy in love.”

Remember when you first fell in love?  You couldn’t wait to see each other.  You created special ways to show your love.  You planned surprises for each other.  You talked to each other, went places together, sat close to each other, complimented each other, encouraged each other, listened to each other, dreamed of your future together, and simply enjoyed being together.

Notice that each of the words underlined in the paragraph above is an action verb.  A verb is something that you do.  Love is a verb.  Therefore, love is something you do.  When people become “lazy in love” they discontinue doing the things that they once did that kept their love alive.

If and when you go through times in your marriage when you feel like love has grown weak, then that is a warning that you need to take action.  It does not mean that you need to start nagging your spouse about what your spouse should do.  That will only create more distance between you.  If you feel unloved, then perhaps you need to be more loving.  Take action to love your spouse unconditionally. 

Unconditional love, like the love God gives to us, is given sacrificially with no strings attached, and without demanding something in return.  When you begin to love your spouse unconditionally you may be surprised at how love begins to grow again in your relationship.  It may not happen overnight, but if you keep loving, encouraging, complimenting, respecting, surprising, and serving your spouse I believe you will find that eventually, love will begin to grow again.

In the stage production of the Sound of Music, Maria begins the song “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” with these words:

“A bell is no bell 'til you ring it
A song is no song 'til you sing it
And love in your heart wasn't put there to stay
Love isn't love... 'Til you give it away”

Give away your love to your spouse each and every day. 

The Martins currently present “Happy Together” marriages seminars for churches and organizations.  To schedule a seminar call Michael at 940-735-1515. They also publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at


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