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How Do Others Feel?

By:  Donna Martin

Too often people worry about what other people think of them.  This is a self-centered worry that often hinders people from being the person God intended them be.  A more productive thing to think about is “How do I make other people feel?”

We can all think of a person who makes us feel good.  We enjoy being with that person; we feel happy and comfortable when we are with them.  My grandmother was the kind of person that made me feel good.  I always felt like she was glad to see me.  She laughed with me, comforted me, and made special treats for me.  Even though she had experienced a difficult life, she was the most positive person I have ever known.  She did not have many material possessions, but she had what mattered most - a love for God and a love for others.

On the other hand, we can all probably think of someone who does not or has not made us feel good.  Their actions, words, or even their demeanor make us feel uncomfortable, unloved, and unimportant.  We often feel like that person would rather not be around us and that we are somehow an inconvenience to them.  They may ignore us, make cutting insinuations, talk about themselves but never inquire about us, or not include us in conversations.  These people may not even realize the way they make others feel because they are so absorbed with themselves.

C.S. Lewis said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”  There’s the secret of making others feel good.  Think of yourself less.  Our marriages, our families, our churches, even our country would be a lot stronger if we all made the effort to think of ourselves less and to concentrate on how our actions and words make others feel.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:29-32 NIV)

The Martins currently present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at

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