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Friday
Jul042014

Independence Day!

By:  Donna Martin

I remember when we left the church and drove out of town on our wedding night!  I raised my hands in the air and shouted, “We’re free!”    We were free from curfews, our parents’ rules and regulations, and the stress from all of the wedding planning.   We felt very independent as we began our journey as a family of two.  We were committed to each other to build the best marriage we could have.  We were looking forward to starting our own traditions and making our own decisions.  We were ready to leave the shelter of our parents, cleave to each other, and weave our lives together as one.

We were not rich.  I did not have a job yet, and I still had a semester of college to finish.  Mike had a job, but he was still in grad school.  We had no house, only a small one bedroom apartment and one car (a 1965 Ford Mustang which we both wish we still had today, but that’s another story).  We did have a lot of love and a lot of faith in each other.  I had no doubt that Mike would take care of me, and he had no doubt that I would be his faithful helper.  As we traveled onward in our life together, things were not always easy.   However, we were a team, and we worked together to meet the challenges that were placed in our way.  We worked, saved, budgeted, and planned as we built our life together.   Our dreams were not fulfilled all at once.  Things happened gradually, and we learned to appreciate all that we worked so hard to obtain.  We were so fortunate that our parents “cut the apron strings” and let us go to pursue our dreams together.  They became our friends, never interfering, and only offering advice if we asked for it.

Sadly today, too many couples are not independent.  Young wives do not trust their new husbands to take care of their needs and are not willing to sacrifice the luxurious lifestyle they had with their parents.  They are not content with what their new husband can provide and often complain or criticize.  They run to their parents for financial assistance so they can have big houses sooner instead of waiting patiently until they can be afforded.

Young men often hang onto their parents.  They are not willing to compromise on the time spent between families.  They do not make decisions without the approval of their parents or they depend on their parents for financial assistance instead of living within a budget they can afford.  They allow their parents to baby them.

Much of the time the lack of independence comes because parents do not let their children go.  They lavish them with expensive gifts and money.  Then sadly feel that because of this financial support they have the right to interfere in the life of their married children.

July 4th is Independence Day.  Is it time for you to become independent from your parents and cleave only to your spouse?  Are you struggling with issues of independence or other challenges in your marriage?  Life can be difficult and sometimes everyone needs a little help.  We want to help you build a strong, vibrant, and happy marriage.  Contact us today for individual couple coaching or for a Marriage Enrichment Weekend for your church or small group.

The Martins currently present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriage.com.

Click below to order your copy of:

366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage

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