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Six Areas of Conflict in Marriage Part 2 – Sexual Difficulties

By:  Donna Martin   #happytogethermarriage

God made sex exclusively for married couples.  I like to think of it as his beautiful gift to us so that we can express our love and devotion to each other.  It is part of the way that He intended for us to become “one” as we share our most vulnerable and intimate part of our lives with our spouse.  Of course it is also his plan to keep the human race from becoming extinct.

So if sex was created to be something special for married couples, why does it cause conflicts in marriage?  As with all conflicts in marriage it stems back to the fact that our expectations about sex are not always met.

Sex, like anything else takes practice to perfect.  Since it is so intimate and personal it is sometimes difficult to express to our spouse our wants and needs when it comes to sex.  From the beginning of a marriage it is important for couples to communicate their desires and expectations about sex with their spouse.  Husbands and wives need to encourage one another and complement one another.  They need to be gentle and sensitive to each other’s needs.

According to a 2007 survey just two years after marriage an estimated 20% of couples make love fewer than 10 times a year.  And one in three American marriages is low sex or no sex.  No wonder some people have affairs!  1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.  In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.  Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”  Even Christian couples would have a hard time being faithful to each other if they are not having sex regularly.  It is a strong need that needs to be fulfilled. 

Of course when children enter the picture sex may not be as carefree and spontaneous, but even if a couple has to schedule a time for sex, that should be done.  It is not good to neglect a spouse’s needs.  Take care of yourself so that you remain healthy and get rest so that you are not too tired.

As couples age, things may not work as well, so it becomes even more important to “use is so you don’t lose it!” Be creative in the way you express your love.  Be kind and compassionate.  I think it is so sweet to see elderly couples who still have that “twinkle” in their eyes as they laugh and talk to each other, and hold hands and tease each other. 

There may be times when it may not be possible to have sex with your spouse such as times of sickness or after operations or childbirth.  During these times it important to remain faithful to each other and to express your love through kindness and compassion. 

Hollywood has exploited sex and built it up to appear as if every encounter is a mind blowing experience.  It also has cheapened sex by declaring that it is fine to have sex before marriage and to have sex with anyone and everyone even after we are married.  Now our society has also begun to believe the lie that it is all right to have sex before marriage and that sex can be between people of the same gender.  I am sure it saddens God to see how this beautiful gift has been cheapened by Satan’s lies.  1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality.  All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”   Unfaithfulness destroys a marriage.  In fact unfaithfulness is the only reason that Jesus said would be a reason for divorce. 

If sex or no sex is causing a conflict in your marriage it is important to talk about it.  If you cannot resolve the conflict on your own, seek the help of a Christian counselor.

The Martins currently present “Happy Together” marriages seminars for churches and organizations.  To schedule a seminar call Michael at 940-735-1515. They also publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at


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